As predictable as the haze, Chinese New Year fever has once again hit Singapore’s shores. As usual, the old will lament that it is not like the old days while the young are busy looking at things to buy from Amazon or assorted blogshops. All while sitting in your house and eating your food.
Perhaps in an effort to make their consumption of your food more acceptable, relatives often pretend to care about your lives by asking many questions that would be taboo in any other social setting. Here are the top 5 unanswerable questions that I hope you would not face this Chinese New Year:
1) “Wah you’re so tall/short/fat/skinny, why like that?”
“I don’t know. I used to think it was genetics until I saw how short/tall/skinny/fat (choose appropriately) you are.
2) “Why are you still collecting ang pows when you should be giving them out LOL”
“Oh I didn’t give ang pows last year too! Did you expect me to meet someone and get married within one year just to give ang pows? Sorry, this is not your era anymore!”
3) “You’re doing an Arts degree?! Why would you do that? What exactly do they teach you?”
“They teach me how to ignore rude people.” Exit conversation.
4) “You’ve been dating for six years. Is that the wedding bells I hear?”
“Nope, sorry! That’s the sound of your tacky jewellery knocking against each other.”
5) “So what’s new in your life?”
“I don’t know what’s new but I know you’re old for sure.”
6) “Shouldn’t you be on diet?”
Take a huge bite, and when you’re chewing with a mouthful of food, say: “Yeah.”
I hope those answers would help you as you brave your relatives’ inappropriate questions over the long weekend. Please enjoy the food, enjoy the break, and may Goat bless you.