Practical checklist for concert organisers

There’s been a little hoo-ha about the Futures Music Festival recently – apparently, the organiser Livescape went ahead to sell concert tickets before getting a licence for their event. The licence was ultimately not granted, and the event has been cancelled. 15,000 tickets have been sold so far, which is a hell lot of refunding to be done.

Things must be really awkward in the Livescape office right now. Especially after their marketing people came up with the #KeepFMFAAlive ‘movement’.

But don’t worry, other concert organisers! I’ve prepared a really practical checklist to help you avoid such situations:

1) Apply for all the permits and licenses you need.

2) Start selling tickets.

money

THAT’S ALL. Isn’t this a great and practical checklist? It’s quite straightforward really!

Want to hold your thingy outdoor? Here you go. Want to sell beer? Click here! Want some music to go with the beer? Here!

See? Easy right? All I did was to Google ‘outdoor license’, ‘music license’ and ‘alcohol license’. Getting these licenses is extra important if the event you want to organise has a reputation for drug abuse, so don’t forget ok!

Unfortunately, Livescape didn’t follow my checklist, so there will be no rave party at Changi this weekend. I’m sorry for not sending this checklist to them earlier.

To make up for my sins, I hereby present to you a gif of Teo Chee Hean dancing with The Prez-matazz himself, Doctor Tony Tan:

teo-chee-hean-dance

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How to answer unanswerable questions during CNY

As predictable as the haze, Chinese New Year fever has once again hit Singapore’s shores. As usual, the old will lament that it is not like the old days while the young are busy looking at things to buy from Amazon or assorted blogshops. All while sitting in your house and eating your food.

Perhaps in an effort to make their consumption of your food more acceptable, relatives often pretend to care about your lives by asking many questions that would be taboo in any other social setting. Here are the top 5 unanswerable questions that I hope you would not face this Chinese New Year:

1) “Wah you’re so tall/short/fat/skinny, why like that?”

infinite-whisky

“I don’t know. I used to think it was genetics until I saw how short/tall/skinny/fat (choose appropriately) you are.

2) “Why are you still collecting ang pows when you should be giving them out LOL”

forever-alone

“Oh I didn’t give ang pows last year too! Did you expect me to meet someone and get married within one year just to give ang pows? Sorry, this is not your era anymore!”

3) “You’re doing an Arts degree?! Why would you do that? What exactly do they teach you?”

laters

“They teach me how to ignore rude people.” Exit conversation.

4) “You’ve been dating for six years. Is that the wedding bells I hear?”

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“Nope, sorry! That’s the sound of your tacky jewellery knocking against each other.”

5) “So what’s new in your life?”

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“I don’t know what’s new but I know you’re old for sure.”

6) “Shouldn’t you be on diet?”

kangaroo chew

Take a huge bite, and when you’re chewing with a mouthful of food, say: “Yeah.”

I hope those answers would help you as you brave your relatives’ inappropriate questions over the long weekend. Please enjoy the food, enjoy the break, and may Goat bless you.

goat-tongue

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